Right now, I am having a bad mental health day. No, actually, week. I’m having an awful week in my brain. I’ve tried to seem happy and bubbly, but today it’s all come flooding out. I’ve tried to work away my anxiety by exercising, which usually works, but today, it hasn’t really helped. My confidence levels are the lowest ever. I am unhappy with my appearance, with my weight, with myself in general. I am not writing this for compliments, please don’t give me compliments after reading this, it’s just something I am currently going through. I am writing this because I feel that anxiety is NOT taken seriously. Not by any means. Not even close. I have said before, in previous posts that I am grateful not to have a mental illness such as schizophrenia, or anorexia. I am not suicidal. I suffer from anxiety, in many forms. I also experience bouts of sadness, and suffer with low confidence. I understand this is not as bad as wanting to hurt myself, and many people think that compared to this, anxiety is nothing. However, being someone that suffers each day with anxiety, at least to some extent, this way of thinking is very harmful for me. Take this week for example. It has been awful. I have felt trapped and unable to escape the anxious feelings, even in my own home surrounded by those who love me. I have felt like every time I mention how stressed I feel I annoy somebody. I feel like a drama queen. I feel like I am being stupid. But I don’t want to feel this way. I don’t want to suffer from a mental illness. I wish I could be my old self again. I wish I didn’t have to sit in my own home with a racing heart, a stomach full of butterflies, fighting off the tears over things that are meaningless. I wish people took this illness seriously. I wish that on my worst days, I could seek help without feeling like I’m being dramatic. I feel like people easily lose patience with me. I know that this is not necessarily their fault. I feel that there is a lack of education around anxiety, so it is understandable that some people think I am just being silly and overdramatic….but I just want people to realise how dangerous this is. When I feel like I am being annoying, I start to feel worse. I cry a lot, and find it difficult to pick myself back up. Anxiety is a gateway for other mental illnesses. It goes hand in hand with depression, OCD, schizophrenia and many other horrible illnesses. I want people to realise that by brushing off someones anxiety as silliness, awkwardness, or dramatic, you could possibly be making this person a million times worse. Please please educate yourselves on anxiety. I know it is hard to be patient at times, I know that I am hard to understand, I know that I cry over EVERYTHING, I know that I worry about the smallest things, and I know how much all this annoys people, but please understand that I dont WANT to be this way.
If you have taken the time to read this post, thank you. I am sorry it’s not something more positive, but I felt the need to reach out. I hope all my readers are happy and healthy.